Don’t Ask Why, Ask What

Triumph from Tragedy is a collection of personal stories of struggle, courage, hope, and victory from 49 different authors. The book ends with a wonderful Bible study by author Denise George. I’m thankful that my personal story, “Don’t Ask Why, Ask What,” is included in this anthology.

 

“Don’t Ask Why, Ask What”

I struggled to move my hand, but I couldn’t. Mosquitos continued to bite me through the mosquito net. I tried to call out to my husband. If he moved my hand, the mosquitos would stop biting. But he was in another room, and my voice was merely a whisper. I was alone. Then I remembered. The Lord was with me.

“Lord, please help me, or send Jim to help.”

A few minutes later, my husband arrived. “Honey, do you need anything?”

I said a silent thank you to God and told Jim about the mosquitos. After he moved my hand, he fixed me tea and held the cup while I drank.

I didn’t understand why my strange attacks kept happening. We were missionaries in Mexico, and we’d been doing outdoor evangelistic ministry, but after spending time outside, I’d get sick. I often had headaches and abdominal pain, and sometimes vomiting and weakness. At times, I was too weak to get out of bed or move my body.

“Why, Lord? What’s wrong with me? Please heal me.”

I gradually improved from that attack, but the intermittent problems happened more often. I’d had mild attacks before moving to Mexico, but my doctors hadn’t found anything wrong with me. In Mexico, the attacks had gotten worse.

I knew God could heal me, so we kept praying. We loved the Mexican people and the ministry God had given us. We longed to stay there and continue serving the Lord.

Still, I looked forward to our next border trip. Every six months we traveled to Texas to renew our visas. While there, we’d visit the churches that prayed for us and supported us financially. If we had health problems, we’d see the doctor. I made plans to find different doctors on our next trip. I hoped they’d find out what was wrong with me. In the meantime, I’d limit my time in the sun.

In Texas, I explained my symptoms to my new doctor, and he ordered numerous tests. On my follow-up visit, I was hoping he’d tell me what was wrong. We listened as he shared the results of my tests and gave me his diagnosis.

“I can’t find anything wrong with you. Your problem is in your mind. Live your life and focus on the positive.”

Was he right? Were my problems just my imagination? We returned to Mexico, and I was determined to be positive and do whatever we wanted to do without worrying about my health. I was going to stay well.

Unfortunately, I had even more attacks. Some included difficulty breathing, and I was often confined to bed for days. This was not my imagination, so I became even more careful to avoid the sun.

On our next border trip, I saw another doctor. His diagnosis?

“I don’t know what’s wrong with you, but you need to stay out of the sun. I’m going to write to your mission board and tell them you need to leave Mexico if you want to live.”

I was devastated, but my husband and I agreed. Our son was only twelve, and we didn’t want him to grow up without a mother. I was also getting too sick to be much help on the mission field. After four years, we were leaving Mexico.

We studied climate charts, then moved to Rochester, NY. They needed a CEF director, so we became directors, and we taught Spanish at a Christian school. I still had symptoms and visited more doctors. After ten years of searching for answers, I was finally diagnosed with a type of porphyria that affects the skin and the nervous system. Two years later, I was disabled and mostly homebound. Eventually, we had to cover the windows in our home with black plastic to block out the sunlight.

I asked God, “Why is this happening to me?”

I longed to serve the Lord, but I was in and out of the hospital and often too sick to get out of bed. I searched the Bible and listened to preachers, hoping for answers.

In a powerful message, David Ring said, “Don’t ask why, ask what.”

Instead of asking God why this was happening, I began asking, “Lord, what do you want me to do now?”

I realized that God’s plan and His purpose for me were more important than my temporary pain. I studied the Bible and memorized scripture. The Bible blessed me and strengthened me.

Psalm 119:71 says, “It is good for me that I have been afflicted; that I might learn thy statutes.”

Eventually, I remembered that as a second grader I wanted to be a nurse, a missionary, a teacher, and a writer. I’d done the first three, and it was time to write. I still struggle with health problems, but I’m thankful for the opportunity to serve the Lord through writing.

God’s plan is perfect.

 

Romans 8:28 “And we know that all things work together for good to them that love God, to them who are the called according to his purpose.”